“Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance.” – Roy T. Bennet

Marriage Is…

This is a list of the petty, silly, random things I do in my marriage. Yes, so many of these need to change and I am always changing. Both of us are.

Marriage is…

…not what you think it is when you are unmarried.

…nagging someone to the point of frustration, and then realizing you’re more annoying than whatever it was you were nagging them about.

…irrational jealousy and then when you receive attention from others you pretend it bothers you when you actually enjoy it.

…hypocritically doing everything you verbally tell your spouse to stop doing.

…crying uncontrollably in your spouse’s arms when you’re mad at them.

…waiting for them to come home and ignoring them when they arrive.

….cleaning and cooking while declaring your rejection of the 50’s housewife stereotype. 

…demanding them to do multiple things for you and then expecting a back rub when they’re done.

…assuming you will always be watching your movie and calling it the ultimate sacrifice when you watch theirs.

…having breakthrough moments when both of you cling to each other and don’t let go.

…eating breakfast with them in silence and not minding it.

…going to work and wishing they worked with you.

…arguing over who makes the most accurate animal sounds.

…watching your son and taking turns saying, “He’s so cute.”

…graciously brushing your teeth in the morning to give them a fresh kiss.

…realizing every day that you love them and cannot live without them.

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The rock was the largest I’d ever seen.

You may wonder why I hold such an interest in a rock, when, after all, it is only a rock. But, this rock, this particular heaven-made solid formation of minerals has a story to tell. One, it has borne the feet of several hundred teen-aged hooligans as they jump from its heights into the water below. This was not some sick daredevil trick, more like a rite of passage for the extremely brave. Those that leapt would be known as the ones meant to do great things with their lives. And truth be told, they would. I can recall seven names of those that made themselves into something special. They all took the leap of faith. It goes to show that if you are brave enough to do something so stupid, you are brave enough to do nearly anything you put your mind to.

Two, it nearly killed me. That is the bigger story. It may take an entire book to write, but write it, I will.

 

Quirks

There are so many things that our parents have taught us. Many of these things are subconscious. Here are a few quirks and mannerisms that my husband has learned from his parents:

Instead of orange juice, they have “ornch” juice. Despite my efforts, he has and always will say it that way.

His dad has never been one for rushing. even though his mother hustles and bustles about like a bee. One of them is generally ten minutes late while the other is sometimes close to twenty minutes early.  My husband has taken on the former habit, having rejected the need to be early to every event. To make up for that, he stays until the end of every get-together. That is actually how we came to start dating. He would come over to the college group that met at my parents’ house and stay until nearly midnight in order to talk to me.

There is no such thing as height. It is “heighth”. Although it is technically not in the dictionary, it is simply a colloquialism from Old English. It also makes sense to say “heighth'” when we have “width” and “length” and “depth”. I have noticed that even his grandparents say it this way. I do not.

A glass of water always accompanies your meal. It has helped me to drink more water, although I’ve had to remind his family multiple times that I don’t drink it with ice (as I am clumsy and tend to spill when big ice cubes get in the way).

He cannot stand being woken up in the mornings. I guess that back when he went to school his mother would have to wake him every morning. Now, it seems to give him a sort of traumatic reminder of his childhood (because getting woken up in the morning is incredibly traumatic).

As he so often reminds me, money should be spent on good shoes. A good pair of shoes is worth every dollar to him and his dad. If the fit is even slightly off, the shoes will be returned and anyone that thinks of buying them should think twice. Both of these men have extremely picky feet, so there are many shoes that do not pass their tests.

Now, let me set you straight. I’m not making fun of my husband’s (or in-laws’) ways. I like to observe and make note of my observations. Next up, things that I do and say that I get from my parents.

 

 

Friendship

I have seen the starry night
Just a blur of bright
Yellow and white

I have danced the naked street
Darkened bare feet
To a silent beat

No matter where I must run
What hills I am from
I will come

When you need a friend to pull along
A moment in time to belong
Or a harmony to your song

First Impression

I have always been curious as to how people view me, especially upon first impression. Depending on what sort of social situation I am in, I will put out a certain front. If I know most of the group I try to act as I normally am. I will crack jokes, maybe have a few conversations, and then I recluse after I’ve had enough. 

As an introvert, I realize I am most at ease when I am alone. After a while, however, I start to crave human company. I need a conversation, an exchange, something to remind myself that I am not a complete recluse. I sit in coffee shops or browse bookstores for the sake of interaction. I don’t need to have a full-blown conversation, normally. I simply need other humans in my vicinity to acknowledge.

So how do people see me, then? Am I a wallflower? A flash of colour passing by? Am I mysterious or intriguing or do I even stand out in any way? Would I be considered awkward or strange? I can be open and talkative one second and then closed up the next. Does that make me confusing or sullen? Seemingly mature or the exact opposite? Do I look world-weary or naive?

What do people see when they see me?

Unpopular Opinions

Doughnuts and bacon are disgusting.

Cars are a frivolity and people should walk more often.

Kids aren’t angelic. They are rather mischievous, actually, and don’t always mean well.

Brown and black do, in fact, go together.

Dessert is unnecessary.

Long lines can be enjoyable.

Not everyone has to marry and not everyone has to have children.

Women can be breadwinners (and men can do housework).

You don’t have to stretch before a run.

Bread doesn’t make you fat.

Rainy days are the best days. I mean, you don’t overheat when you run! Amazing!

You don’t need to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Sometimes, the physical church can be detrimental to your spiritual health and growth.

Help isn’t always helpful and it is okay to tell someone “no”.

The customer is not always right.

Toilet papers rolls should be placed so that the paper comes from underneath. It is easier to rip off and keeps people from using too much.

Anything to add?

Language

I can’t help but be drawn to languages. Communication and the fine use of words are beautiful things. It bothers me when people do not care about the language they are speaking. A lot of people only speak half a language; they speak a watered-down version of English, full of crass and mispronounced verbalizations. I understand that upbringing plays a large part in this, but then there is also the world of the Internet in which many people get lazy. From laziness comes a lack of care which becomes a bounty of grammatical errors. I am not perfect in this as I also grow lazy with my words.

My mom read to me and my five brothers when we were younger. She has always had a compelling storyteller voice, and even as we grew older, we would still listen in as she read to the younger kids. This brought a love of books to our family. We would collect series and try to read books before anyone else got to them. Our favourite series was the Redwall series, written by a man named Brian Jacques. We would take his fantastical stories to the backyard and pretend to be talking mice and otters and foxes. Even as an adult I am sure I would still play those games if it were societally acceptable.

I was lucky to have the childhood I did. I can speak and write and I hold a desire to learn inside of me. There are those, however, that never were given the chance. Kids drop out of school, dread homework, can’t even add sums or multiply simple numbers. It’s a hard world for learning, but I must reiterate: the language you speak is important. It is the difference between a high-paying career and minimum wage. It is the difference between forgiveness for a ticket and an instant fine. This is a prejudice but oftentimes a truth. We can use language to our advantage. After all, it is what convinces a nation to vote for a president, to believe what they read, and to take a single comment as complete truth. The moment someone types your instead of you’re, their opinion is instantly disregarded. It matters.

While I intend to complete my knowledge of the Spanish language, I am still learning the English language. There are words that I have never heard or have never dared to utter for fear of mispronunciation. English is complex and brimming with rules and exceptions to these rules. I occasionally bend these rules for the sake of rebellion and/or poeticism. All in all, maybe I simply wish for everyone to have the same draw toward their own language. Perhaps then our communication wouldn’t be so lacking.

 

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