“Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance.” – Roy T. Bennet

Archive for the ‘My Family’ Category

Move Together

I thought I’d share some music while my child is asleep. I used to work at 3 in the morning baking pastries and I feel as though this song is pretty relevant. My husband would get home around 11 or 12 at night and this puts me in his perspective a bit, since we hardly ever saw each other during that moment in our lives. Oftentimes, I forget that marriage is two people and that both need to put in an effort to strive for their loved one’s happiness. Some missed sleep is nothing if you want to spend your entire life with someone.

Parenthood

While I look at my child as he crawls and climbs and falls, it occurs to me that I was once a child like this. 

I look back at my childhood dreams and teenage stupidities and wonder what sort of dreams and stupidities my baby will have as he ages. 

I made life so hard for my parents. I hated them at some points, even. The worse thing my child does to me is try to run away as I change his diaper. He may have a day where he hates me. It may last longer than a day and it seems so hard to believe.

Motherhood is hard. Parenthood is hard. My husband just had to do compressions on a man who committed suicide. His own mother was the one that found him, and that scares me. 

I guess all I can really do is teach my child to love and to value the fragility of life. As his mother, I want to protect him and keep him in a perfectly safe bubble, but this will make him value so little. He needs to experience the harshness of life to understand the beauty of it.

But I am afraid. I cannot help it. Forgive me.

You’d Be Surprised…

…at the amount of change that can happen in 5 years. I am married, I have a 6-month-old son, and I got myself into running and painting and somewhere along the line I forgot to write. I’ll give you this, though. I am older and wiser and perhaps a little less reckless than I was. Things that used to be important are not so much. Things that seemed meaningless hold all meaning now. Life feels vibrant and hopeful for me. I hope it does for you also.

 

 

Take Oceans With You

take oceans with you

so you don’t run dry

paper all around you

fold and fly

don’t waste the world

don’t change the sky

 

brother wake life has begun

and go to sleep with one eye shut

you don’t want to miss a

single thing

 

take pictures with you

so you don’t lose touch

daydreams are better

but that’s enough

don’t waste the sights

don’t change the lights

 

brother wake life has begun

don’t you want to see it all?

you’ve never walked upon this earth

you shouldn’t waste a

second more

Childhood

We caught the rainstorms

We danced in raindrops

We found the rainbow

More colorful that most

Our conversations

Like sand and water

Don’t go but then again

They compliment each other

They compliment each other

~

The day’s eventful

The night is grateful

The world seems to laugh

But not at us

Life is amazing

Nothing is crazy but

Both of our grins

And honesty

Honesty

~

We gave our heart’s up

Then told nobody

We liked the way it was

So secret and secure

You had the treehouse

I had the swingset

Now we are grown and gone

The promise safe with me

The promise safe with me

© 2011 singinthebreeze.wordpress.com

In The Field Laid Bare

They say the field’s laid bare

And the weary winter shows its face

And you live within the midst of it

And every creature knows its place

The blood on the ground is cold

You know what happened long ago

The wind is frozen in the air

In the field laid bare

The fence was broken in a war

The trees were twisted in a storm

The earth is dry and buries bone

Beneath the weeds and the stone

And some have wandered all alone

Searching for a sort of warmth

But the wind is frozen in the air

In the field laid bare

They say the mountain trembled first

And caused the seasons to be cursed

And gave the passing souls their thirst

And trampled everything that stirred

You stay to see the sun set there

The night becoming darker still

The wind is frozen in the air

In the field laid bare

I Had This Dream…

There were three levels. There was red, which was Basic. These were the least of everyone. They were the masons and the carpenters and the kitchen workers. They had importance, but they were overlooked. There was blue, which was Intermediate. They taught the Basics. They were the merchants and the businessmen. They were well-liked, but they were always away doing things for the Betterment the country. Then there was the yellow, the Elite.  They were the thinkers. They wrote and they drew and they taught and did things that were considered Most Important. They fought wars and they became celebrities. They were smarter than everybody else.

Then, there were the Elders. They were in charge of everybody. They held meetings and said prayers and grew beards and had wrinkles. They were strict and unbending, for the Scale of Evil was tipping further and further every day.

Before we did worked and did business and taught, we had to go to school. There we learned only the amount needed to do our jobs. I was Elite, so I learned many things. But, I was Elite By Deed (EBD). My Intermediate parents had saved the planet when they were Young, and because of it they were given seats at the Elder Circle. And so, I was placed in Elite school.

There was a guest speaker. All the levels came to hear her. She was an Elite and a celebrity. She spoke of realizing one day that nothing was stopping her from becoming famous, as she was Elite By Birth (EBB). She had gone to the Elders and signed her name to be on the screen. It was a pep talk of sorts. To the Basics she said to keep up the good work, and be the best in their field. To the Intermediates she said to keep their minds strong for the figures and money that came their way for the Betterment of the country. And to her fellow Elites she said to always be courageous and to never, ever lose their minds. Our minds are what keep the scale from tipping, she said.

We broke for lunch. Each level sat at their own tables, but I was friends with a Basic, and I sat at her table. People were fine with the friendship, because I was different and I was considered a Defect Elite. We were each given a plate and some crackers and we stood in line for our soup. When they ladled the soup onto my plate, I questioned why we didn’t use bowls, instead. The look the Basic kitchen worker gave me reminded me of the many reasons I was thought to be Defective.

When I was returning to the table, I realized that I had dropped my crackers somewhere. When I looked on the ground, I saw them in a neat little stack. The Basic straightener gave me a nod. Even the messes had to appear orderly and straight and alligned.

I sat down and found that more Basics had joined my friend at the table. They all looked at me but they couldn’t tell me to leave because I was a higher level and I had more authority. Their Intermediate tutor came and joined us, and we all held hands for Prayer. As we prayed, the male Basic to my left started playing with my gold Elite ring. I thought he was rude but I said nothing to Denounce him, as that might tip the scale. We finished praying and he let go.

They all had sheets of paper as their tutor taught them. I asked for a sheet so that I could keep my hands busy while I tried not to listen to the Intermediate. It was taboo for an Elite to be taught by an Intermediate. As they learned their Basic figures, I drew triangle and leaves. At one point, as I was staring it to space thinking of what else to draw, the same male Basic started playing with my ring. I looked down at my hand, and he withdrew his.

The break was over, and we all returned to our seats in the conference room. But just as the speaker was continuing, all the Elites were called away for an urgent meeting with the Elders. We were nervous because this wasn’t a normal thing. When we entered the meeting room, we all gazed in awe at the scale in the center. It looked like a weight scale, only it had a long pole sticking out the top that had millions of misdeeds written on it. Every misdeed caused the pole to grow heavier, and we could all see that the scale was straining under the weight.

The Elders motioned for us to sit down and began speaking. I looked at my Elder parents, and they nodded. They told us that we were only two misdeeds away from total disaster. This struck fear into our hearts, as nobody knew what exactly this “total disaster” was. Suddenly, a bee swooped down in from the window. It buzzed near my head, and I jumped up screaming bloody murder. As everyone scrambled to shoo the bee away, my father glowered at me (one of my defects was that I was deathly afraid of bees. As a child I had been stung on the neck, and I had gone into shock. My parents found me convulsing in the front yard for no other apparent reason than a little bee sting). He began listing my Defects to the Elder beside him, who nodded and looked at me in pity.

After the meeting, my mother motioned to me to come over. She told me she was taking me to the Baths to be cleansed of my fears and ignorances. My female Basic friend was our assigned driver. I was glad to see her and I wanted to tell her about the scale, even though we weren’t supposed to tell the other levels. But my mother wouldn’t let us speak to each other.

On the side of the road was a girl. She was a Straggler, because she didn’t have a color or a level. Her hair was long and dirty, her shoes worn and her clothing patched. She waved at us to stop. We didn’t want to ignore her and cause her to do something that might tip the scale, so we halted. We asked if she wanted a ride, and she said no. She stared at us for a moment, and then said something about the woman in the ravine that had killed her own children. We looked down the ravine on the right, and there was nobody. Then the girl asked why we wouldn’t give her a ride. We were confused and slightly worried, but let her in the vehicle.

We asked where she was going, and she said the same place as us. We drove in silence and pulled into the Baths. When we entered the doorway my friend was pulled away by a male Intermediate. They looked to be in love. I thought,no, they’ve tipped the scale. It was wrong for the levels to mix like that, and it was so obvious, I had no doubt that the Elders knew. My mother looked at them and frowned, saying we were this close from total disaster and all they thought about was themselves.

We went into the room with the pool, and my mother got in. I waited a while. When I went to go in, I didn’t see my mother anywhere, but the pool was large, so I didn’t worry much. Then someone shouted at me, and I turned to see the girl. She said, see? The woman killed her children! I looked back at the pool and saw that everyone was being pulled underwater by an invisible force. I screamed and started to reach for them, but I didn’t want to touch the water, lest I be pulled in also.

I ran around the edge, shouting for help and looking for something that I could hold onto and that they could grab, but the room was empty. Then somebody tapped me on the shoulder and I found the male Basic, the one who had played with my ring, standing behind me. He told me that I had tipped the scale this time. I asked him how, and he pointed to the water, saying don’t you remember? Don’t you remember our child? And I looked in the pool and saw a floating baby doll, and my mother also floated by, grinning up at me.

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