“Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance.” – Roy T. Bennet

Posts tagged ‘me’

First Impression

I have always been curious as to how people view me, especially upon first impression. Depending on what sort of social situation I am in, I will put out a certain front. If I know most of the group I try to act as I normally am. I will crack jokes, maybe have a few conversations, and then I recluse after I’ve had enough. 

As an introvert, I realize I am most at ease when I am alone. After a while, however, I start to crave human company. I need a conversation, an exchange, something to remind myself that I am not a complete recluse. I sit in coffee shops or browse bookstores for the sake of interaction. I don’t need to have a full-blown conversation, normally. I simply need other humans in my vicinity to acknowledge.

So how do people see me, then? Am I a wallflower? A flash of colour passing by? Am I mysterious or intriguing or do I even stand out in any way? Would I be considered awkward or strange? I can be open and talkative one second and then closed up the next. Does that make me confusing or sullen? Seemingly mature or the exact opposite? Do I look world-weary or naive?

What do people see when they see me?

Scoliosis


This isn’t normally something I like to show other people. I’ve tried to train myself into accepting every part of me, but when it comes to my back I like to ignore it. I don’t like seeing my awkward bend and I hate the feeling of tight shirts on my protruding rib cage. When I sit in the company of others I sit as tall as possible. When my husband captures pictures of my back, I normally delete them. 

The above photo makes me cringe, makes me sit up straight. I don’t like seeing my flaws so front and center. Once when I was stretching, my brother went, “Uggh! Your back!” That hurt more than it should have, because it is part of me, and not something I can ever change without surgery.

A few facts about scoliosis:

-Scoliosis is about 10 times more likely to occur in women than it is in men. 

-Usain Bolt – you know, fastest sprinter on the planet – has scoliosis. I’m curious what sort of stretches he does for the pain.

-Hitler viewed scoliosis as a disability and ran his freaky experiments on people with scoliosis, which absolutely terrible and terrifying.

Back to what I was saying. I hope that someday I’ll see this as just something that makes me stronger. It’s painful, especially when carrying a baby around and trying to sleep comfortably, but as long as I exercise and don’t sit too long, I can function just fine with it.

If you have any sort of insecurity about your body, I encourage you to talk about it and try to accept it as part of you. We’re all flawed humans and sometimes our flaws really do make us stronger or more interesting or simply just…us. We are as different as leaves on trees or blades of grass. We are tall, short, round, straight, curved, uneven, and everything else in between, and there is no problem with any of that.

I Try

I try to be the best

Smartest, fastest, most well-rounded

Hey, look at me, I smile

Cook, clean, check the details

I am a mom and need to be strong

Perhaps a little too much

Because this wasn’t quite

What I wanted or imagined

But it’s life.

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