“Learn to light a candle in the darkest moments of someone’s life. Be the light that helps others see; it is what gives life its deepest significance.” – Roy T. Bennet

Posts tagged ‘words’

What Hurts

IMG_1490Pain was necessary to make me who I am. Even though sometimes the thought of what I’ve gone through is crippling, I know for a fact that it was the turning point for my becoming. Without pain, I would never have held a relationship to the wild step of marriage. Without pain, I would never had given it my all to birth a child. I wouldn’t have the determination that I have now to experience life to its fullest. But, oh, how it hurt at the time.
When a fifteen-year-old finds herself at the mercy of two grown men, so many things can happen. I could have died. I could have been abducted, sold, lost. I was violated but so much worse could have occurred in that moment. I survived to have a family and a life of potential. It killed me then, but it drives me now to love beyond reason the harshest of humans.  Somehow I still see the light in this world.
In the year following that moment, I was dark in my soul. My mind shouted and my nails were used to scratch red, bloody words onto my skin. I wrote horrible notes to myself where no one would see them. To me, I was nothing. Ruined. A whore. I kept my dark secrets buried and let them simmer and shape me into a bitter cynic. I felt ugly, inside and out. And to me, every man, both young and old, wanted me as a toy to play with and then leave in the dirt.
What changed this horrible mindset? I had a mental disease that was eating away at my core. Whatever could possibly heal me of it?
There is a love that reaches deep into your heart and strengthens it and fills it where it once was empty. I may yet be cynical but I believe wholeheartedly that there is a God that mends the broken mind and drives us to live again. He let me realize that the darkness in me was my soul crying to be whole. I was not abandoned or ruined or the putrid heap I thought I was. I was loved. I was beautiful.
I hope that in my sharing of this there will be someone that will understand. Do not allow those that hurt you to win. You can still stand strong and tall and live life wonderfully. I hope you find the healing that I did. I hope you have better days. I hope you grow old with your family and can look back to see that pain only made you tougher and didn’t cripple you. You may still cry or flinch at little things but it will get better over time. Survive. Do not dwell on the past, as it cannot change, but it can change you for the better if you’ll allow it.

My Pen Broke

walk slowly

take your time

because there will always be time to take

no matter what your circumstance

no matter who you are

whether you enjoy the dark

or you run from it

whether snow seems harsh and cruel

or the warmth of summer too demanding

there is a life to be lived

you choose

there is a life to be lived and you know what to do to live it

you take a step and then another

and those are just the basics

you can always take another if you want to

there are no backward steps

there are different steps to similar paths

but there is no going back to what already was

that is life

life is future and confusion molded into one

but what is the worth of confusion

when you act upon it, confused?

time doesn’t waste

it cannot be wasted

it spaces itself and yields nothing

so take life

and live it well

take time

and use it well

walk slowly

because there will always be time to take

Take Oceans With You

take oceans with you

so you don’t run dry

paper all around you

fold and fly

don’t waste the world

don’t change the sky

 

brother wake life has begun

and go to sleep with one eye shut

you don’t want to miss a

single thing

 

take pictures with you

so you don’t lose touch

daydreams are better

but that’s enough

don’t waste the sights

don’t change the lights

 

brother wake life has begun

don’t you want to see it all?

you’ve never walked upon this earth

you shouldn’t waste a

second more

That Broken Harmony

People.
Have you ever noticed how different we all are? Even people that are similar have differences. We dress different, give our bodies our own flair. Celebrities try to be each other, we try to be them, and yet we cannot. Do you know why? Because we can never be the same as someone else. We are not clones cut from the same mold or the same exact ingredients. Even children are different from those who made them. There are changes in personality, changes in the way they walk, differences in what they prefer to eat. Twins, the people who are the closest to each other, are different. None of us is like another.

Still we try.
We shape our bodies and our faces to be like people we know. Mass groups are changing themselves, compromising their images to be false. Why do we do it? What have we to gain? We have so much to gain from being unique. From each person we can learn. We all have thoughts and words ready to break forth out of our lips. Our ways are our signatures, the signatures that we leave behind when we walk out of a building. They leave people wondering, wanting to know more about us. Our differences hold the interest of those we meet. They are what make friends and enemies and rumors and job offers. Without these, life is lifeless, colorless.

Can you see the sparks?
Leaping off our faces and out our eyes, surrounding our sighs with light and laughter.  Those are our desires and feelings. Those are me, drinking  my coffee without any sugar. Those are you, drinking your coffee with several spoonfuls. Those are the world, preferring one movie over another, one fabric over another, one topping over another.  Those are also the pain that each of us feels. The reason a father hurts his family and the reason a friend betrays a brother.

Without.
Without.  We are purposeless, gray matter amidst rainbows. Nothing we do can change that we are not alike. Hello, you. It’s me, a person. I am not you. You are not me. Now let us be friends in that broken harmony. 

Untitled

with your eyes shut tight

and the book held close

you walk the halls

and appear to most

a religious fool

an overzealous man

but you keep on walking

and you let them stare

your lips may move

but no words come out

and they all wonder

what you pray about

and they hope the God

they don’t believe in

will listen if you’re

praying for them

you sit outside

and watch them leaving

and listen to their

silent suffering

and they laugh at you

to hide the trembling

and they whisper

so you cannot hear them

your lips may move

but no words come out

and they all wonder

what you pray about

and they hope the God

they don’t believe in

will listen if you’re

praying for them

© 2011 singinthebreeze.wordpress.com

Freefall

They’re not telling me to dive in headfirst

Just to keep my legs straight

Looking out across the water

My audience of blue waves

Crashing on the cliff side

And the sharp rocks beneath me

But the place I have to land in

Is only ten feet deep

~

I’d turn and run and hid but that’d be cowardice

But I know I would die if I did this

I said I would jump but not this distance…

…but they don’t listen…

~

Someone coughs behind me

And I know I am late

They’re waiting on a freefall

That I can’t do in my state

So I take a breath but breathing

I don’t find relaxing

With their eyes completely

Fixated on me

~

I’d turn and run and hide but that’d be cowardice

I know I would die if I did this

I said I would jump but not this distance…

…but they don’t listen…

~

My advice to you is fair

Don’t give in to stupid dares

They weren’t telling me to dive in headfirst

Just to keep my legs straight

 

© 2011 singinthebreeze.wordpress.com

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